No Pants!
by blue-seme
Summary: Bakura and Seto locked in an art closet... No pants... Say no more! Antagoshipping, SetoXBakura, Lime, Jou Bashing, Language, Yaoi, Charac. Death heh., Sexual innuendo w an Oreo.


Warning: Language, Lime, some OOCness, sexual innuendo with an Oreo…

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh, and never shall.

_Thoughts_

"Talking"

_**Author's Thoughts/Notes**_

**Seto and Bakura Don't Wear Pants**

I'm proud to say that few things on this earth, tangible or not, frighten me. I've never been too terrified of spiders, the dark, or sharp, pointy knives. In fact, I'm rather fond of all three. Small spaces however, are another matter… It certainly doesn't help when the small space includes a certain rich brat who's in the midst of his PMSing cycle. That's right, me, the King of Thieves, Yami Bakura, is stuck in a dark art closet with the one and only Kaiba Seto. Also, my ass hurts…

"So how in Ra's unmentionable parts are we going to get out of here?" I hiss irritably. Damn I want my Earl Grey…

"We're not," he replies stonily. He's been standing there for the past fifteen minutes with this don't-even-think-about-talking-to-me-or-I'll-rip-your-fucking-head-off look on his face. As if I care, I've been threatened by a lot tougher men than him and killed them, of course I was in a much more open space, and I had my knife with me. But I'm sure I could make do, art closets are sure to have lots of pointy things in them…

Speaking of how I ended up in this closet in the first place, it all started this afternoon:

Flashback –

RIIIINNG!!

"Super special awesome! Lunchtime!" cries that short Yugi kid, and I can't help but think once again, why in Ra's name am I here? Yes, for some foolish little reason Bakura (that's me) has ended up sitting next to Yugi and his annoying little friends. There's Yugi, that one annoying brown haired chick, Tea or something like that? The two stooges, Honda and Jounochi I think… And of course my light, which doesn't bother me, but doesn't really help the situation all that much considering he's so quiet.

Thank god that frumpy brown-haired guy isn't here, what's his name? Seto I think, Kaiba Seto. He sat over by the window during class, and when the bell ran he left the classroom pretty fast. Pretty quick for such a creepy guy…

"Hey, what did you bring for lunch Bakura?"

I turn to see who's talking to me, it's the Yugi kid again, probably trying to make me feel like one of them I suppose. I smirk inwardly at his naivety.

"I'm not hungry. I'll be taking a walk," and with that curt remark, I stand up abruptly and walk out of the classroom, laughing silently at their disbelieving faces.

Now that I'm out of the classroom and free of social responsibilities, I have no clue as what to do next. I wasn't telling the truth when it came to being hungry, in fact I'm starving… I have no money though, so food is out of the question. I could steal something, but to tell you the truth, I'm not really in the mood. I just want some cookies and my knife; curse the school officials and their no weapons policy.

Suddenly I'm snapped out of my daydreams, I happen to be standing right outside of the art room. Who should be sitting inside but the creepy bastard Kaiba Seto…. And he has…. Oreos!!

Casually I stroll in, causing Seto to look up from his magazine; I glance down at the article he was reading, card games. Of course… God this guy needs to get laid…

"What," he says in means of a greeting.

"Nothing, I was bored and saw someone and was curious. Gimme one of your Oreos."

Looking slightly bemused he obliges. Yay!! I eat it as slowly as possible, making sure to savor every little bite of chocolate cookie. I carefully scrape off the top wafer, enjoying it as much as possible. Then I consume the frosting, making sure to remove every bit of sugary sweetness. Finally I finish the bottom wafer and glance down to notice Seto staring at me with a rather hungry look on his face. Man what a bloody pervert, well too bad for him, that cookie was mine and he's not getting it back.

"So what are you doing in here?" I ask, doing my best to avoid those creepy blue eyes of his, "Why don't you eat lunch in the classroom or the cafeteria?"

"Too noisy, I prefer being alone in the quiet," he replies and turns back to his magazine. I know what he's talking about, the chattering masses isn't something I exactly enjoy myself. I glance back at Kaiba, he's focused on his magazine again and I somewhat doubt he'll respond if I talk. Well, two can play at this game; I plop down on the opposite side of the table and eye his lunch.

Nothing very fancy, a sandwich on wheat bread, looks like tuna, or maybe chicken salad, it's hardly been touched. I move onto the rest, a small green salad that's been picked at, a thermos of water and, thank Ra, a Ziploc bag of Oreos. I snatch another one and eat it even more slowly than the last one. When I glance back at Seto he's looking at me again, this time with even more hunger (or is it lust?) in his stare than last time. I grin, and let the sexual tension crackle like electricity around the room.

CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. "BAAAKURAAA! Where are yoooou?" Seto and I both freeze, we, or at least I, would recognize that that horrible whiny voice from anywhere.

"Jounochi," mutters Seto, looking extremely annoyed. I'm more than annoyed, I'm terrified, if that stupid oaf finds me he's going to drag me back by the ear and Tea will probably give a horrendous friendship speech and my lovely brain will explode… No! I'm too young to be brainwashed, I fervently attempt to come up with an escape plan.

Being a badass thief-master comes in handy sometimes, and this was definitely one of them. I looked around, windows were out of the question considering that we were three stories off the ground and the last time I had tried to escape that way (2nd period, algebra), I ended up falling and breaking an ankle, thank god for superhuman healing…

Obviously I couldn't use the door, so that left only one option: the closet.

"In here! And bring the Oreos," I hissed after running into it and beckoning to Seto, he looked at me like I was insane, which I am, but came in after me after getting rid of the rest of his lunch.

I close the door carefully, leaving it only a crack open so I can see what's going on. Jounochi comes strolling in and looks around, and I almost breathe a sigh of relief when suddenly he walks right up to the closet, peering at it suspiciously. _Don't come in don't come in don't come in don't come in_… I chant furiously in my head.

He moves away, I allow myself to relax when suddenly all light is removed from the closet. Then I hear this horrible little click. I feel Seto's breath on my neck and in other situations I might have enjoyed that, but this was hardly a time to be thinking perverted thoughts.

We were locked in.

End of Flashback –

So now you've heard it, the sad little tale of how I've gotten myself locked in a stuffy art closet with an angry Seto. The worst part is there aren't any Oreos left, I ate them superspeed in the first fifteen minutes that we were locked in. My mood has been swinging like a bipolar monkey ever since, one minute I'm on fast forward and I'm bouncing off the walls, then comes the depression and I look for something to cut with, then I'm furious with everything and I start yelling at Kaiba until my voice is almost gone.

He doesn't do much, just stands around with this pissed-off expression on his face, the only reason I know this is because he managed to find this crappy little light bulb switch. It's really dim, but better than being in the dark. Right now I'm depressed and am trying to cut pretty pictures in the flesh of my arm with a pair of dull scissors.

"You probably shouldn't do that you know," he says in a bored tone. I chuck the scissors down, feeling hot anger rising.

"Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?!" I scream, red begins to seep into my vision, "You're not as smart as you think asshole, JUST DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Nothing gets to him, he just stands there with this expressionless look on his face. I begin to feel the anger fade away, instead it's being replaced with something a bit more… playful.

"Ne, since we're locked in here by ourselves, how about we do something fun?" I ask, and gloat to myself when I see his eyes widen slightly. "We could play charades, or maybe I Spy?"

"You annoy me," I pause and look up; there's an unreadable expression in his eyes, mixed with the same hunger I saw earlier.

"Really? A lot of people tell me that," I giggle, swaying lightly.

"You need to know when to shut up." I'm about to reply, when he slams me against the wall, knocking a few things off the shelf in the process. _Damn that's going to leave a bruise… _Before I can register what's going on his mouth is against mine and the first thing I think is 'man, he's a good kisser'.

Seto doesn't seem satisfied with a simple kiss like that however, and frankly, neither am I. His mouth opens and his hand grips my chin and forces my mouth open, and soon we are frenching fabulously. This doesn't quench his thirst however, and before I know it, my really nice shirt has been ripped to tiny little pieces.

I don't care too much at the moment though, as it so happens Seto has moved on from kissing to full frontal necking. He has a good mouth, and my pale skin is quickly covered with reddish bruises. I dig my fingers into his soft brown hair (_hmm, I need to ask him the brand of his conditioner_) when he nips my ear hard, I let out a strangled whimper and he licks the wound apologetically.

While I'm pretty submissive sexually, I am certainly no pansy, and enjoy being dominant on occasion. To prove this point I waited until his guard was down, and then with a quick movement I forced him down on the floor until I was straddling his stomach.

Seto watches with interested and amused eyes and made no movement to resist, which pleases me greatly. I may be quick, but I'm certainly not as tall or strong as he is. I begin to tease him playfully, nipping each of his buttons off slowly with my mouth (and I'll have you know this takes skill), until his chest is completely bared to me.

I admire his toned muscles and flat stomach before me, for a guy who plays card games all the time he stays in shape. I bite down on his neck for the heck of it, and kiss the bruise it leaves behind.

"Heh, now we're even," I chuckle.

"Hurry up," grumbles Seto, I love how cute he looks when he he's frustrated, His face is flushed and soon his arms pull me down until we're kissing again.

"Enough", I gasp, pulling up for some air, avoiding his ever-wanting mouth, I divert my attention to one of his nipples, taking it into my mouth and rolling around it with my tongue. He moans throatily and I grin, pleased with that simple reward.

Adjusting my ass, I notice that Seto seems to have a problem, a rather _hard _problem if you get my drift. So, being the little sweetie-pie I am, I decide to help him with it. Slithering down so my face is right in front of the source, I slowly pull down the zipper and slip the silky boxers down so his co-

_**OK THAT'S ENOUGH!!!! God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack there… Do you know how hard it was for me to type the word "nipple"? I'm not very conservative, but man, I was laughing hysterically throughout the past two paragraphs, so we're skipping that, sorry guys, go take a cold shower and call me in the morning…**_

I sighed happily, lying next to Kaiba, both of us devoid of pants, I was feeling very nice in deed. The only thing that might make this better was some cookies, and maybe one of those little cartons of milk you got at kindergarten, not that I would know, having never gone to kindergarten.

"So," I address Kaiba, turning onto my side so I can see his face, a pretty cute face at that, not that I'd ever say that to him directly, "Does this mean we're "going out" now?"

Seto looks at me, a wry expression gracing his normally expressionless visage. "I don't know, do you want it to?"

"I guess I don't really care, but it'd be kind of fun to see everyone's reaction," I chuckle slightly, wincing when I flex my backside; it's been awhile since I've been on the bottom.

"Pretty evil of you, I like it," he smiles sadistically and it makes me go all warm and fuzzy.

Suddenly there's a loud click, Seto and I both look at the door. Slowly the doorknob turns and light starts to fill the room.

"I think they're in here guys," calls a very familiar voice, and I grin evilly while Seto looks amused.

"Hey Kaiba, Bakura? You guys in he- OH MY GOD!!"

It's sort of funny how it happened, his face sort of expanded and turned red and suddenly there was this huge bang and little pieces of Jounochi were lying around the room.

"Omigod Jounochi exploded!"

"Oh the humanity!"

"Should we do something?" I ask Seto, as people scramble in to examine the wreakage.

"Fuck this," he grumbles, "I want a milkshake."

"Can I get cookie dough ice cream?"

"You're paying."

"You're a heartless bastard you know?"

He turns to look at me and grins, "Yeah, I know."

**Fin –**

Omigod that was fun!!! Hooray for the spontaneous combustion of Jounochi! This is a belated Christmas gift for my Deviantart friends, Julia, Dakota, Vicky, Julie and Rachel(sp?) too! Hope you guys liked it.


End file.
